Disclaimer: You might not want to read this. You might tell me it was my own decision or think I am whining or think i have my priorities messed up. But this is my blog and my journal, so I get to choose what I write about.I am not going to lie to anyone. August is my least favorite time of the year. It means the end of summer, going back to school, and for me the end of being a stay at home mom. It hit me yesterday morning as I left to go to my school to work for a few hours. (You see, even though teachers seem so lucky to have the whole summer off, I have a certain number of days that I have to work and lots to do to prepare for my students to come to my class. So going to school in the summer, especially the beginning of August, is a must.) As I pulled out of my garage, I looked to my front door to see an upset little girl pointing at me as I drove away. I almost pulled back in my driveway, went back in my house, and just hugged and kissed my daughter. I knew it was going to be the first of many hard days this month. I called my mom with tears in my eyes because I needed reassurance that I wasn't being a bad mom by doing this. She reassured me, as any good mom would, that Laney would be just fine in the care of Erich and that I wasn't a terrible person.
So now I count down the 28 days left until September. Because luckily, by September I am usually used to the schedule and it doesn't seem as hard. (In other words, I am no longer crying when I put Laney to bed at night and when I drive to work the next morning.) And I have some good things to look forward to this month. My younger brother Craig is getting married soon. And for me that means a quick vacation in San Diego, a chance to see all of my siblings and their families (except for John who is on a mission), a chance to see lots of close family friends, a new sister-in-law, and a few days where I can just pretend I am not a school teacher and that I am not about to start school. So I am going to try and enjoy the 10 days I have left before I transform from "Mama" to Mrs. C.
6 comments:
First of all, that is such an adorable picture of Laney! But she looks way too grown up!
And second, I would never say anything negative about you working! You know what is best for you and your family and I would never question it. Even so, I know how hard it must be for you to leave her during the day. I hope you can both make it through the month okay!
Bless you! I think it must be harder to get a break (ie summer for you) to then have to go start work up again. You know I know how you feel, has it gotten harder as she has gotten older and more aware? I find it is getting harder for me, but at the same time-- my nanny has a boy his age and he gets so excited when they come over, so that is easier for me. Regardless, you are NOT a bad mom!!! I have found that it has made me a much more attentive mother when I am around him, I don't push him aside, or find things to appease him-- regardless, best of luck to you!!!
Yuck, I don't envy you. I remember working and getting the Sunday night blues because I knew I had to get up the next morning and go to work. I wonder if that's anything like the end of summer blues. I can't believe how much Laney has grown up. I'm sad we don't get to play with her every Sunday now! Post pics of your house soon!
p.s. THanks for the comment on my blog. You're so nice!
Thanks for the support girls. I really like my job and once I get into the swing of things, it isn't so hard to leave. It is the starting up after long breaks that kills me. And now that she actually knows and cares who I am, it makes it a littl bit harder. Plus, in the school year she is often still in bed when I leave so I don't have to actually say good-bye to her. And, I know Laney loves her dad a lot so they have lots of fun in the morning together.
Laney is so lucky that she gets to spend quality time with her daddy everday! Many children don't get that opportunity. We're excited to see you all in a couple of weeks at the wedding!
Oh Mandy, you are too hard on yourself. Laney is with her Dad, not a babysitter, not a daycare, you are so lucky for that. And you're only gone for a little while. It's good bonding time for father and daughter! But I could understand that it would be hard. Sometimes I wish I had something I could do like that though, you'll probably miss it when youre done!
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