- My body is excited to not be pregnant. My back aches at night from holding Laney, picking up toys, cleaning house, and carrying the baby inside of me. (I think it also hopes to get a longer break before the next pregnancy!)
- My selfish, vain side longs to be able to wear normal clothes again and look cute when I leave the house. I am ready to be done with elastic waists and constantly pulling my pants up.
- I cannot wait to see this sweet little girl. I long to hold her in my arms and stare at her and know that she is mine forever.
Yet, I know that inside of me, she doesn't cry, she doesn't have messy diapers, and she doesn't need me to feed her a bottle every 3 hours. - I worry about the loss of sleep I will incur and how I will be able to handle that again. I really like my sleep.
- I am starting to have some anxiety issues about my maternity leave. It is really, really, really hard for me to give up control of my classroom. Maybe if I had a sub lined up or had started some lesson plans, I wouldn't stress so much.
- I worry about loving this baby as much as I love Laney. Everyone assures me that I will but it is still a concern. [I think this is somewhat an absurd worry but it still consumes my mind. I have never thought that my mom loved her first more than the the other 5 of us. And I don't think my sister or others I know with multiple kids have had this problem.Yet, it is still a worry.] I remember instantly loving Laney when she was born and I wonder if I really have that much love in me for Miss Allie. I would feel horrible and guilty if I didn't. And I am about 99% sure that I will realize how dumb this sounds when she is born. Let's just hope that 1% isn't correct.
- I wonder how I will divide myself between my kids. As independent as Laney is, she still needs me. She is only 16 months old. Aside from the obvious things like feeding, bathing, changing and such, she needs me to love her, tickle her, cuddle her, play with her, read with her, and be her mom. And Allie will need me to do all these things as well. Can I really do it all for both of them?
- And I really am not excited about labor, delivery, or recovery. Is there someway I could skip all of that and just have Allie here? I really like the notion of the stork. Would that be too much to ask?
All in all, I can't wait for Allie to arrive. I know I will survive. And I know I will adore her. I just wish that I didn't have a month to let all of these worries play out in my head but still had a month to really get prepared for her arrival.
4 comments:
30 days is crazy. And exciting. I can't wait to see the pictures. I still remember the email with the hospital pictures of Laney.
Having two is definitely an adventure. It's an adjustment and it's amazing how you forget how much time a newborn needs. No more nights to yourself. No more breaks when your toddler takes a nap. No more "you" time for awhile. But wow, it's amazing all the same. Hardest job I've ever done, but when they're sleeping contently in your arms and you can sit and watch them it makes it ALL worth it! Good luck in 30 days. We want to come visit when you are feeling up to it!
Mandy, I so felt your emotions! Here was my experience: the second was easier, the sleep came faster, and I did love the second. Although if I'm being totally honest it was still a different feeling, I dont' think any child will feel the same as the first, but I promise you'll love them as much. It will be hard though, but for some reason it all goes by more quickly with the second, and you know more what to expect. Don't take too long of a break before #3 or you'll regret it!
The last month is always hard. You start getting so excited for the baby to finally be here but at the same time all the worries and anxieties set in. Give yourself 4 months and you won't even remember what life was like with just one. We can't wait to meet Allie.
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